Sunday, November 09, 2008 8:58 PM

♥ive been too deep in thought lately. more so than ever. it doesnt help when it seems your not paying attention at all to any conversation or anyone for that matter


it doesnt seem right that im sidetracking everything just because of the state im in. i took countless distractions to occupy my time; to not be able to feel numb. i worked so hard to not to remember; to not feel; to not think. dear god, ive never workedso hard in my life and yet its still there. lingering as if its waiting for me in the darkness.


the distractions doesnt seem to work anymore. the late nights; the unpredictable fridays; the random dropbys; it just doesnt seem to click anymore. what the fcuk. and now im losing sleep over
everything doesnt seem to be enough. im slowly losing my mind. ive never been so ragged, highstrung and worst of all, zoneout. it finally dawned on me. im not ok, and i wont be anytime soon. ive push so many oppurtunities away, i hide from everything and im just deeply disappointed. not becauseof the situation; not because of the outcome. its because i actually felt something. i actually cared enough to feel something. which seem impossible to me but i did.


theres nothing to sedate this. its like a rite of passage, you have to get through it to be able to move on to better things. i guess i never thought itd be this hard. this feelings..


im trying my hardest; and now i just stopped to feel this entire numbness. maybe just maybe when it hits, ill come to the sudden realization; ill bury all this. and never have to look back..
.. not because i have to but just because i can.





years doesnt seem to compare with the connection.